Fix to the HOAX "Global Warming"

“Governor, if you have my back, I will solve this Global Warming issue for you.” 

“What do you have in mind? You very well know that the people of Texas depend on oil and gas.”

“Oh, I know, and you also like your own power grid and really don’t want to put any more regulations on it.” Alan Tusk gestures to one of his lackeys to grab something. The lackey grabs a document and hands it to Tusk. “I want you to look at this.” Tusk slides it over to the Governor.

“This doesn’t show how you are going to fix this ‘Global Warming’ bullshit, all this is asking us to basically subsidize your batteries for homes!! We aren’t going to do this!” The Governor slid the document back to Tusk.

“You are going to have to trust me Governor, what I am going to do will generate some legal issues, and we need to make sure we have all available resources. Meaning capital. Also, this helps you in not having pressure in turning your electric market into a capacity market.” Tusk slid the document back. “Also you can sell this as Texas truly supports individual energy independence.”  

The Governor takes back the document, “If you aren’t going to tell me what you are going to do, I need to know the results of what you are going to do.”

Tusk smiles big, snaps at another lackey, and he grabs another document. He says nothing and slides this new document over to the Governor. Governor’s eyes grow.

“Oh boy!! Are these numbers real??” 

“They are, so all I need you to do is sign that first document, and the Global Warming issue will be gone by next year. Pump baby pump!” 

“Give me a week, I have to sell this before I do anything.”

“I thought you were the leader of Texas?”

“Don’t push it Tusk…”

Tusk put up his hands as a sign that he backed down. “I will have someone follow up with you in a week then.”

At this point LinkStar is halfway in sending its 42,000 satellites, with the plan to finish by the following year.The adoption rate has tripled over the past year all around the world. It is proving to be very popular. All the Edison vehicles now can recieve internet from anywhere in the world, almost. Which has pushed countries to reconsider their policy against these satellites. Paving the way to have to have phase one to complete 100%. 

Global temperature just reached +2.0°C above average. Greater pressure has been put onto disbanding fossil fuels, and areas that depend on these fuels are fighting but losing this war. A new form of plastic has been adopted that isn’t made from petroleum, instead it is a biodegradable material that breaks down if it is heated up to 93°C. Once it is heated the bonds break loose and then can be placed in a compost. Hurting the oil industry even more. 

The Governor got back to Tusk, “We got all the paperwork signed, when will we find out your plan?”

“When we launch it… stay tuned.” Tusk said over the phone, knowing that the Governor is rolling his eyes. The little things just make Tusk’s day. 

A year later, all 42,000 satellites are now up. There is a huge party planned at the incorporated town in Texas. Delegates and world leaders are all in attendance. Tusk walks up to the Governor.

“Today is the day.”

“For…?”

“For Global Warming to be a thing of the past.” Tusks looks over and smiles and walks off. 

“Hello everyone.” A dry tone came over the speakers. Everyone looks and there is Tusk on center stage. “Hope everyone is enjoying themselves.” Then he proceeded to pause. An awkward clapping started. 

“We are here to celebrate the successful launch of all LinkStar satellites, which now provides high speed internet around the world. But, let me tell you something. This is just the beginning of something more grand.” 

People started to brighten up, and start to listen more closely. Tusk is an awkward person, but brilliant. Anything he does revolutions industries or creates entirely new industries. 

“I am now going to show you the second phase of LinkStar.” Tusk waves, and a person brings him a ceremonial button. 

“Today we are 2 degrees hotter than we ever have been. It has put pressure to change the entire industry that we have depended on for well over 100 years. Today we fixed this warming.” Tusk presses the button and looks up, and the crowd follows his lead. After a couple of minutes, it becomes dimer. It suddenly becomes cooler. Then the crowd erupts in cheers!

“All the 42,000 has large sails that can be deployed to reduce the amount of sunlight that actually hits the Earth, causing Global Cooling, but controlled!” Tusk smiles and he turns and looks at the Governor. The Governor is in utter shock, but knows this will save Texas, this will save OIL!

Afterwords

So we all know who I am talking about. He is the only person I know that would just do this without getting permission, and since he is now stationed in Texas, it would make sense that he would make a deal with that government. If we cool the planet without reducing our carbon output, it would be just a temporary solution, but people would take advantage to push for more oil production instead of reducing it. 

Sobriety Test

“This Burger King is taking forever… It is only me and the car in front of me. WHAT THE FUCK!!” I’m a bit tipsy, super hungry, and decided to skip a place called California Burgers, because it had like 20 cars in line, and went to BK. When I pulled up, there was just one vehicle.

I went to a brewery on Main Street in a suburb of Indianapolis. I was pretty lazy all day, and just watched Netflix in French, and practiced Francais on Duolingo. I ate a couple bags of chips that the airbnb host had in the room for guests. Really sweet of her actually.  

Anyways, I went to the brewery late, their kitchen was closed when I got there. Got a couple of beers, and ate a small piece of special cookie that I was given in Michigan. I discovered that Xbox released a new feature that allowed you to play your console on your cell phone. I played that until they closed. Left to go get food and ended up in the drive thru of BK. 

After like 15 minutes being in the drive thru, I got my double Whopper with cheese, and tried to go back to my airbnb. The turn onto the main street was super damn awkward. Like you pulled around and the main street was parallel to you like only four feet away. There was a center median, which prevented me turning left. Because of this damn design, I had to do almost a 180 degree turn to get into the right turn lane so I could find a drive to turn around. 

I began my turn, and this car that was in the far lane decided at the last minute to get into the lane i was trying to pull into. I had to hit my damn breaks, cuse like a motherfucker, go into reverse, then finish my turn. Unbenounced to me, a cop was nearby. When I turned on to the street to find a place to turn around, the cop got right behind me. I was like, eh I haven’t done anything, buuuut, I should probably turn into a neighborhood to turn around instead of a U-turn. I turned and the cop followed, and then “Whop Whop” and lights began flashing. 

“FUCK!”

Got my stuff ready for the cop. Handed him my licence and he ask for my registration. Because my car is registered in TX, the registration is the sticker on my windshield. 

“Oh ya, forgot Texas is weird about that.” The officer said as he leaned over to see the sticker. “Well give me a second, I’m going to check your ID.”

“OK officer!”

“Fuck… The cookie is setting in.”  This thought popped into my head, because I felt the pull of my mental soul going down. “Well, I guess I can start eating this burger though.” Again I was super hungry and. the munchies were kicking in. 

Ate half the burger, then I saw the cop walking back up. I set my burger down on my bag in the passenger seat, and looked over to the cop.

He handed me my license and said, “Have you been drinking tonight?”

“Yes sir, two beers from the brewery off Main Street.”

“You know the percentage of those beers.”

“Umm, I believe like six percent… actually I bought a pack of the cider, it is sitting right here if you would like me to look?”

“Nope, that is ok. The reason I pulled you over, it looked like you about hit a car when you pulled out of the Burger King parking lot.”

“Damn parking lot” I thought to myself. “Ya, the car was in the far lane and then pulled into my lane as I pulled out. That drive thru to the roadway is super awkward.”

“Ya, I didn’t see that happen. Would you mind doing a sobriety test. Just for me to make sure you are safe to drive.”

“Yes, of course.”

“FUCK… I don’t know what to do if I get a damn DUI in another fucking state where I know no one! FUUUUUUUUUUCK”

I get out of the car. We do the whole routine with the pen, walking the line, holding up a leg, and then he asked, “Would you mind in doing a breathalyzer. It isn’t admissible in court.”

“Sure.”

“Ok, just to let you know, I do not tell people their percentage.”

I then took the breathalyzer and blew into it, and looked at the officer. His eyes grew in shock.

“Well, you are REALLY sober.”

“Yup.”

Then he let me go. I got into my car and started to head back to my airbnb. I took a turn, and in the corner of my eye I just saw my half eaten burger roll off and on to the floor. This depressed me to no end, but then I thought, “Hey, this is probably more healthy for me to only eat half the burger.”

And that was my night!